Assassins: Game Over

Abigail Lenhard

On Monday May 29th the senior assassin competition finally came to a close. Instead of a sole victor, the final three contestants decided to call it a draw. The assassins were photographed discussing possible outcomes for their predicament on May 26th in the RHS Cafeteria. Later, commissioner Kayla McClatchy revealed that Jake Craig, John Mohler, and Pranav Gaddameedi had made the decision to split the winnings. In previous years this finale had also occurred, however, most commonly with two finalists splitting the money, not three.

Owen Braithwaite had the most ‘kills.’ We all soon learned that beneath his smiley demeanor lies a ruthless killer. When Braithwaite was asked about his success he responded, “My thirst for blood was insatiable. I yearned to see the fear in the eyes of my targets. Each kill was sweeter than the last. I regret nothing.” Owen merked eight of his peers: Azamat “Ozzy” Fayzullayev, Dylan Zamsky, Shannon McGee, Annika Deroos, Natasha Lowy, Greg Gianella, Aidan Donnelly, and Kenagh Babcock. Despite all of his efforts Owen was eventually eliminated. The award for most dedicated goes to one of the finalists, Jake Craig. Craig knew his target, Julia Getty, was going to be at her college orientation, so he drove three hours up to Penn State and scoured the campus until he found her. That snipe was his ticket to the finals.

From several accounts of breaking and entering, Natalie Junior posing as Phil Regan so she could hit Rico Hernandez to Yosef Edrees and James Hoover’s fake promposal, this year’s seniors have put in a lot of dedication to the questionable competition. For now, we will have to wait till next April to crown a new victor(s), so until then, work on your sharp shooting, and find a better hiding space for your spare key.