Muffin Mayhem

Nazim Duran

Ever been craving a muffin?  Even been waiting in the muffin line for entire lunch period, praying, only to find that they are all sold out?  I know you have, don’t lie. You’re mouth is probably salivating as you read this article, waiting for the sweet release of the chocolate chips in the muffin.  

If you’re one of these troubled children, then look no further.   Breaking news has revealed that the Radnor High School cafeteria has recently received a remedy for our incessant, gastronomical suffering: a generous donation from none other than the muffin man. Have you seen the muffin man?  His name is Russ. All the way from Drury Lane, the muffin man, the muffin man, has seen the pain and toil we endure under the dire scarcity of cafeteria muffins. Thus, he has graciously cooperated with an industrial production facility to provide Radnor High School with a supply of around 10,000 chocolate chip muffins.  With so massive a supply, the faculty has to decided allocate a large portion of these muffins to the students body. Furthermore, they have agreed to only charge a nominal amount per muffin, and will allow students to purchase up to 5 muffins.

But there’s a twist.  The muffin man is very particular about the specific times at which his scrumptious muffins may be consumed.  For various reasons, the cafeteria is only allowed to distribute the muffins on the last Sunday of break. Thus, on that day, the cafeteria doors will open at exactly 7:30 am and will remain open until 10:01 am.  Given this small window of time, and the hungry craze that looms over chocolate chip muffins, extra security will be in place to facilitate distribution. So get them quick! We all want nothing more than a warm, soft chocolate chip muffin to accompany their Chick-Fil-A sandwiches, which also be available during this timeframe.  This is an opportunity that shan’t be missed. Before you know it, it’ll be like they never existed.