The Radish’s Dos and Don’ts: Sophomore Semi Edition

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Sarah Tachau and Olivia Brubaker

Sophomores, your first school dance is quickly approaching, and as the only class at Radnor High School that has never experienced a semi-formal before (lame) the Radish has taken matters into our own hands, as experts, to make sure none of you embarrass yourselves. 

Disclaimer: None of these are suggestions. Strictly follow each and every guideline or you will be publicly humiliated.

DO NOT:

  • Casually dance. Do not be fooled by the name, the only acceptable mode of dancing at a school event is the traditional Viennese Waltz, so be sure you are skilled in this performance. You do not want to embarrass yourself.
    • Form a mosh pit. Those who participate in this barbaric behavior will be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law, or RHS’s student handbook
  • Underdress. Despite wearing the title of a ‘semi-formal,’ the Sophomore Semi is regarded as a red carpet event. Some outfit suggestions include:
    • Dolce & Gabbana all-black tuxedo with midnight blue overcoat– $2,300
    • Givenchy ballgown with a petticoat– $3,500
    • For those with a taste in vintage: Renaissance ballgown with corset and petticoat $1,200-$4,000
  • Wear the same attire as someone else. If god forbid you and one of your classmates show up in the same renaissance ballgown preserved from 1549, you will be shamed by your peers and asked politely to leave by chaperones. To ensure this fatal mistake does not occur, the Radish suggests creating a Facebook group for sophomores to compare their planned outfits, and to torment those who plan to wear anything similar.
  • Get your date flowers. Contrary to tradition, your date does not want an overpriced bouquet that will end up abandoned on the floor of the cafeteria by the end of the night. Try getting them a wad of cash instead, anywhere from $50-$150, but feel free to exceed this amount.
  • Talk during the event. Many students attend school dances for the calming, quiet environment. Therefore, talking is strictly prohibited.
  • Take photos at the pre-party. Many amateur school dance-goers take grainy iPhone pictures at the pre-party they attend. Remember: the Sophomore Semi is a red carpet event and by far the most important night of your life. Therefore, book a professional photographer to take your pictures days before the dance, preferably in a field so your peers know they weren’t cheap, and post them on Instagram. 
  • Pay for your ticket, this may be a “Sadie Hawkins” but the goal for everyone should be to make your date pay.  
  • Carpool with your date and your friends. You are expected to arrive alone and enter the school in alphabetical order so that it is easier to check everyone in. 

 

Do:

  • Take your choice of date very seriously. Statistically speaking, there is a 99.89% chance that you will end up marrying your Sophomore Semi date in the next 20 years.
  • Rent horse-drawn carriage transportation to the event.
  • Strictly follow the RHS Dance Contract. Absolutely no handstands or back-handsprings.
  • Step on other people’s feet when dancing. Preferably, wear the chunkiest shoes you own. Demonias are recommended.
  • Throw your boutineer on the ground so that a sophomore girl might step on the pin 
  • Throw water on your peers while they are dancing. They will be sweaty and hot so get two birds with one stone by preventing heat stroke and the stench of body odor. 
  • Post on Instagram every single day after the Semi for a month. Pics or it didn’t happen.