Since our return to the school after winter break on January 3rd, there has been an eerie absence in the cafeteria. The beloved snack line has dissipated and become a barren table covered in ketchup, crumbs, and what I hope is syrup. My favorite snacks such as fruit roll-ups, sunchips and grandma’s cookies have been moved into the main cafeteria space and dwindled in quantity. Now that the snack line has vanished, and the snacks available in the cafeteria are gone at a glance, this schedule has become utterly obsolete. Students’ lunch period has transformed from quickly running to the snake line to grab a Naked drink and Cheez-its to waiting in a line for 25 minutes… and then proceeding to yell and fight over the last pack of whole grain goldfish. An anonymous junior reports, “I swim every day after school… most kids on the team have resorted to swallowing the water to keep nourished.” The nurses have started to observe a rush of students visiting the office, presenting various health issues associated with malnourishment: “We ran out of Gatorade weeks ago and the number of kids coming in is still going up,” reports one nurse. Without the support of the nurses’ office, it has become increasingly difficult to care for the student body. Another student came forward, stating that she left her AP US History class in search of chips and joined the bunch entering the cafeteria.  She told Radish investigators that “When I had left my class we were learning about the Proclamation Act, but by the time I had finally quenched my thirst the class was being taught about World War II. My teacher wrote me up for skipping… I just wanted food.”

Mixed emotions fill each and every table in the cafeteria. Some students have made a habit of finishing their school lunch and venturing to the snack line with a friend to complete their savory schedule of eating. In a statement about the shortage, one sophomore concluded that “Everything is just… meaningless.” Needless to say, people aren’t very optimistic. Other students, especially those in the far corner near the vending machines have decided on a different solution. These brave souls have channeled the passion of the founding fathers and turned to outright protest. Among their demands is the inclusion of more “brookies” in the snack cycle. That was actually their only demand. When confronted, their leader, known only by the pseudonym G-Eazy Washington, proclaimed, “Must we continue to live in a world where the only options for snacks are Sour Cream and Onion chips without the Sour Cream? This is anarchy!” In a recent demonstration, several students dressed up as lunch ladies claim to have dumped countless bags of Cool Ranch Doritos into the Radnor Harbor. (There is no such thing as the Radnor Harbor and the location of thousands of unopened Doritos bags is under investigation.)

Though the ever-expanding strike continues in an effective fashion, students have begun to cope with the lack of extremely nutritional foods. Empathy and education seems to be a significant part of this process. A friend of the Radish told us, “I’m pretty sure my Mom told me they didn’t even have oxygen at her High School so I guess this is valid.” Lunch and Learn has provided many upperclassmen (and really cool underclassmen) the opportunity to find snacks elsewhere in the sprawling metropolis of Radnor. In little-known establishments like Chick-fil-A or small hole-in-the-walls like Chipotle, Radnor students find solace in foods they just couldn’t have back inside the school. We ran into a group of these lunch dwellers as they were returning to the school. “Things can just taste so good,” one said. “Starbucks has allowed me to realize this… it feels like I go there every day and I don’t intend on stopping while that snack line’s gone.” That student was later found to have accumulated billions of dollars in debt to her brother’s debit card for purchases of “Mango Dragon Fruit Lemonade without the fruit”.

It seems that Radnor High School students are going to be just fine in light of the strike from employees at the US food service. Whether through reluctant acceptance or improvisation, students have found various ways to tackle their hunger and thirst. These methods are likely to develop as the strike continues.