“Happy FriYaY! It’s a cycle day 5 with an 8 period schedule. You’re not just faces in the crowd; you’ree the heart and soul of our school. When chalenges come knocking, greet them lke old foes, with fire in your eys and grit in your teeth. Knock down barriers like they’re personal affronts. Rise stroonger from every fall, fueled by the fire within. This is your time to let your true sellvehs shine and leave your mark on the worldd!”
Last Friday, every Radnor student read that Schoology message from Vice Principal Mr. Presley with tears streaming down their faces. With impeccable spelling and a powerful message, Mr. Presley rides in on a white horse every morning to deliver speeches via Schoology that would make Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr. break down in tears. The entire Radnor High School student body reported that Mr. Presley’s inspirational, motivational, and totally not AI generated messages are the only reason they get out of bed each and every morning. In this article, the humble students of Radnor High School hope to showcase the widespread impact of Mr. Presley’s words and personally thank him for saving their lives every morning.
Last week, every single student at Radnor took a survey about how Mr. Presley’s messages affected them personally during extended homeroom. Despite typically not participating in surveys during extended homeroom, one anonymous student stated “For Mr. Presley, I would lay down my life. If I get to honor him in this survey, I’ll do it eagerly.” It has recently been reported that overall happiness levels have seen a 10,000% increase since reading Mr. Presley’s first morning Schoology message and 100% of students stated that they regard Mr. Presley as the one person in their life who has affected them the most. 80% of students reported seeing Mr. Presley as a father figure, while the other 20% reported worshiping Mr. Presley as their supreme being. Many students, when asked to describe their adoration for Mr. Presley and his Schoology messages, responded with lengthy essays using diction such as “obsessive,” “ground-breaking,” and “life-changing.”
Statistics cannot grasp how deeply Mr. Presley has affected the students at Radnor High School, so students lined up outside the Radnorite room to share their stories about how Mr. Presley changed their lives. One student, who legally changed his name to Gabriel Presley Jr., stated “Before I read Mr. Presley’s Schoology messages, my life was dull and empty. I felt overlooked and unappreciated. But after reading Mr. Presley’s messages, I began painting to bring color into my dull existence. I found my passion and I owe it all to Mr. Presley and his genuine Schoology messages!” Presley Jr. asked that we include his favorite creation, a painting of his idol Mr. Presley.
Due to his undeniable impact on the students of Radnor High School, Mr. Presley was honored with a Nobel Peace Prize in Schoology messages. Every Radnor High School student made a long journey to Oslo, Norway to watch the ceremony. One student recalls the ceremony fondly, stating “it was the greatest moment of my life! There was nobody more deserving of this award than Mr. Presley.” After receiving the award, Mr. Presley personally thanked every Radnor High School student and reminded them that their “journey is not just a story, it’s an epic saga waiting to be written.”
