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Following the global success of their recent all-female space flight, with crew members including completely relevant popstar Katy Perry, Radnor has begun discussions with the Blue Origin space technology company to plan their own trip to space.
“I think everyone had a really good time on this year’s school trip to France,” commented one anonymous student. “This feels like a logical next step for Radnor students and staff.”
Radnor’s trip to space is the first in a series of missions which will culminate in Blue Origin founder Jeff Bezos’ vision of a school operating entirely in space. Radnor’s students were selected for their tenacity, their grit, and the wallets of their parents.
The trip is to be entirely funded by the cost of tickets, which are going to be auctioned off starting at 300 million each. Fortunately, one lucky senior can receive a ticket for just 75 dollars if they choose to give up their parking pass to a needy junior.
Teacher chaperones will have their tickets covered, and certain teachers are jumping at the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
“When I was watching the news, I saw coverage of an astronaut who looked a lot like Doc Mullman,” confided chemistry teacher Mr. Thomas. “I printed the photo out and showed it to everyone who would listen. I’m proud to say that I subconsciously convinced him to go to space.”
Students and staff participating in the space flight will be in space for a staggering 15 minutes.
“We heard lots of feedback on the recent 11 minute space flight with Katy on board,” commented one Blue Origin representative. “People seemed to think it was a waste of resources to go to space for only 11 minutes. We figured reactions might be a little more positive if we gave you guys a significantly longer trip and bumped the number up to 15.”
With certain concerns about the safety of Blue Origin flights, the company decided to entice students and their families to sign up for the trip by recruiting two trained professionals to join the trip. Bezos tapped Tom Hanks and Matthew McConaughey, two actors with highly praised portrayals of astronauts in movies, to be passengers on the ship.
“Blue Origin typically charges prospective customers a 150,000 dollar deposit to begin negotiations for a seat on a space flight,” shared Bezos in a public statement on social media platform X. “This is, of course, in addition to the millions customers pay for their actual seats. However, the company generously waived this first fee for students participating in the flight. I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone by getting actors because only they have enough money to compensate for this great loss. And I need the money badly.”
The flight will take off from the football field on June 1 at 11:55 p.m., and will return to earth on June 2 at 12:10 a.m. (a decision which might have been made so that Blue Origin could claim that the flight spanned two days). Interested students should contact their guidance counselor as soon as possible.
