The majority of Radnor students enter high school with just enough rudimentary knowledge of the English language that we can gossip with our friends, but not enough to respond to a teacher when we don’t know the answers to their questions. How are students supposed to learn to truly speak their country’s language? 

Well, Radnor has brought us an answer: English class. Right? 

Maybe. 

At first glance, these classes seem designed to fully fit all students’ needs, and finally teach them to understand this complex language (indeed, English is supposedly the hardest language to learn out of all the languages). The class seems perfect for incoming students that are in dire need of expanding their English-speaking skills, so as not to use the word “like” approximately five times per sentence. 

However, it has come to our attention at the Radish that English class is not as it seems. For a while now, rumors have been circulating around the school that students are expected to read dense and wordy books in English, regardless of whether they have learned the language or not. Accordingly, the Radish launched a full investigation.

The facts are thus: after a detailed review of the ninth grade English curriculum, we determined that the course appears to be mainly focused on books that are all over 40 years old. Classics, as they are called. Plenty of grammar instruction is embedded within the lessons as well, which we at the Radish commend, seeing as it may be the only way high school students can really learn the language that most people speak at school. (World Language teachers, we don’t mean to offend you.)

On that note, Radnor also offers foreign language courses in which students can immerse themselves in learning international languages! Although we have not completely investigated these classes, they seem to actually be teaching their students how to speak the language they are learning, with the exception of Latin. Even so, Latin students learn Latin in Latin class. Students in French, Spanish, and German learn French, Spanish, and German, respectively. But what do students in English class learn? Books? Essays? Shakespearean?

Some “classic” novels that students are forced to read are not even written in English, or the version of this language that we speak today! The Odyssey was originally in Greek, then translated, and everything that William Shakespeare writes is so complicated that it can barely even be considered real English. What is going on?

Radish investigators have concluded that all of our high school English teachers are conspiring to design a purposefully insufficient curriculum. Though it may cover basic grammar rules, the curriculum does not in fact sufficiently explain how to speak English. Instead, it focuses on teachers’ favorite books, regardless of how they represent the language. One teacher even clings to Shakespeare, calling him her “boyfriend”. We wanted to note that even though his plays are good ones to read, his way of speaking may have died with him.

So what should English class really consist of? Well, an important component to include is vocabulary. Students should know all of the language’s obscure vocabulary words. Ever heard the word erinaceous? Additionally, to help students develop a deeper understanding of the language, English poems should be recited in class from memory, and English skits should be rehearsed and performed. Teachers should do their best to organize trips to England or other English-speaking countries, including the United States. Overall, these ideas would provide a much more comprehensive curriculum for students who need to learn how to speak and understand the English language.

Teachers, please take these suggestions into consideration. All Radnor students deserve a complete understanding of the language they should be speaking, and the language most classes are taught in. Otherwise, how can anyone learn?