Recently, the United Dixie White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan have released their proposal for the new state flag of Mississippi. The Radish asked their Imperial Wizard, Brent Waller, a few questions about their new flag design.

Why did your group decide to propose a new flag design?

We’ve dedicated all our lives to preserving our Confederate heritage, so it was really disheartening for us to hear that they were replacing the flag. However, we thought this was a great opportunity to show Mississippi, and the rest of the country, that we contribute in other ways to the community, besides spreading fear and hate. So, we thought it would be a good idea to contribute to the discussion for the new state flag design.

You know there can’t be any Confederate symbols on the new flag, right?

Yes.

Why are there Confederate symbols on your flag?

There aren’t.

What about the clear reference to the Confederate battle flag on the left side of the flag?

The lines are clearly crossroads. I don’t see how that could be interpreted in any other way. You know the phrase “at the crossroads,” meaning at the point of decision? Well, the state of Mississippi makes a lot of good decisions, so we thought it would be fun to include the crossroads symbol. One good decision would be choosing our flag as the new state flag. And the stars are obviously not the glorious stars of the Confederate flag. Really, I don’t see how you people make that connection. It’s just a constellation, you know, like the Big Dipper.

Right. And what about that poorly concealed image of Jefferson Davis in the background? 

I have no idea what you are talking about. The white strip is clearly representing the Mississippi River, specifically the stretch on the Mississippi-Arkansas border. If you somehow see a faint outline of Jefferson Davis’s face that perfectly aligns with the west bank of the river to create a very subtle portrait of our glorious leader, then you should get your eyes checked. The river was stylized a bit so it could fit on the flag, so any relation to the silhouette of Davis’s face is purely coincidental. For the record, we did not warp the bend near Mayersville to create his chin, adjust the curve around Avon to match his nose, or redraw the path near Greenville to reflect his hair. Besides, if you really do somehow see him, you can just squint to make it go away. Just let it be, okay?

This is an ugly flag.

No, it’s a great design with tons of historical symbolism, such as the red representing the blood of fallen Confederate soldiers and the blue representing the uniforms of vanquished Union foes. The white Mississippi River represents the purity of every Mississippian’s heart and blood, as well as their superior skin color. This flag truly represents our heritage and if the state settled for anything less, Mississippians will begin to forget their past. If we forget our past, how can we remember our future?