As the Radnor winter sports seasons come to an end, the time for Radnor’s more talented and photogenic athletes to submit their highlight reels to colleges has begun. One such talented athlete is Radnor’s very own Zack Anagnos, who currently plays for the Radnor High School JV Soccer Team. As a student, athlete, classmate, and friend, Zack is nothing short of extraordinary. Whether he’s on the pitch scoring goals or more likely sitting on the bench, this amateur English footballer stands out. But the world of college soccer is full of extraordinaries and future Lionel Richies, so to push himself over the edge of his competition, Zack has kindly decided to participate in an exclusive Radish interview. What follows is an extensive interview with Zack Anagnos filled with invasive questions and inane answers. 

• First of all thank you for being here today Zack and taking the time to do this interview with me. To start us off, I am curious just about how your experience has been with the Radnor High School Soccer program. Has it been positive, insanely negative? Have you ever been violently harassed by any faculty members?

Zack Anagnos: Freshman year was a lot of fun, it wasn’t extremely serious, but it was a rollercoaster of a ride. We were amazing and we worked together well, and there were several team incidents that have gone on: we’ve had mud fights, crazy bus rides.I definitely have to thank Coach Bradwell for putting up with our shenanigans. This year, we have been insulted by many parents and schools for our craziness, but we remained spirited and confident. 

• What has the camaraderie of sports meant to you during this pandemic?

Zack Anagnos: We get to play sports,and no matter what you get to participate in, not talking to myself alone in my bed is a great thing. The camaraderie of our team was spectacular, and I think it’s a key reason why we went undefeated this season.

• Has Radnor High School given you the credit you feel you deserve for such a spectacular season? Have you gotten any trophies, has Mr. Batchelor given you a chest bump?

Zack Anagnos: I could only dream of such an amazing achievement.

• Would you appreciate the Radnor High School band coming to your games, supporting you in the stands and playing for you guys?

Zack Anagnos: I think people don’t really consider soccer as big as football in Radnor, but I think that the band, if possible, should go to every single game, even if it’s at two places at the same time. They should go to every sports teams’ games.I think that would really motivate Radnor teams beyond going just undefeated. We would win everything. That’s why band kids don’t play sports, because they are so desperately needed for motivation.

• Do you think there’s any point to playing soccer in America because honestly no one cares?

Zack Anagnos: Not really, no one really really cares, unlike me. Being born in London, I think it’s thanks to my heritage that I aspire to be and am so good at soccer. From an early age, my dad was actually my soccer coach and he always told me not to pass to the other kids because they stink and I was told to dribble through the entire team and score. I was specifically told not to pass the ball to Gerry Atkinson when we were on the same pee wee soccer team because scoring was more important. This is why you write for the Radish, because I have succeeded in soccer and you haven’t. As an english person, you know you’re a disappointment. After being named after the great Steven Gerrard and failing, you must know you’re a disappointment. 

• If short shorts were made mandatory for all soccer players do you think that would improve your performance both on the pitch and in the bedroom?

Zack Anagnos: Short shorts really bring out my muscles in my legs. The muscles on my legs are very nice and short shorts would be distracting for the other players. That would make me ten times better. I think it should be a requirement that all players wear short shorts. I would triple the amount of fans I have.

Gerry Atkinson: I know Zack, I would attend more soccer games if you were wearing short shorts.

Zack Anagnos: A lot more people would.

• When did you first get into soccer, and when you first got into it was it like a Ross and Rachel situation or did you fail at everything else first?

Zack Anagnos: My Dad physically dragged me to the field. I said, “No dad no,” but he shoved cookies in my face, and that’s why I’m the player I am today. I would take out other kids legs and my mom would give me Oreos as a reward. 

• The Number ten is unofficially considered to be the jersey number of the best player on the team, so my question is what number do you wear? Negative 1 million?

Zack Anagnos: I wear the number four, which is actually the center back position, and I wear it proudly. When my opponents see the number four it strikes fear in their hearts because they realize they are about to be destroyed by someone physically and mentally stronger than them. 

• Zack, can you bend it like Beckham?

Zack Anagnos: I can’t do splits, nor can I touch my toes. But I’m so great I dont need to bend it like Beckham, Beckham needs to bend it like me. 

• Do you have any questions for me Zack? Just so you know I am Gerry Atkinson, Radish Staff Writer.

Zack Anagnos: Can you leave the link to my highlight reel somewhere in this article, I want to show all my haters what I am capable of.

Thank you Zack Anagnos for taking the time to be in this exclusive Radish interview. I hope everyone enjoyed this insightful interview into the mind of Zack Anagnos, one of Radnor’s most talented and terrifying soccer players. Zack, I know you’ll go on to do great things on and off the pitch, and I can’t wait to interview you when that happens.