What unites the student body of Radnor High School? What aspect of our days do we have in common? Is it homeroom? Lunch? As this question plagues the student body, I pose an answer: the one stop we all share is the bathroom. Unless you’ve made the decision to surgically remove your bladder, the need to go drives us all. 

 With this fact established, a follow-up question is easily raised: which RHS bathroom is the best? However, before we begin, it’s important to note my inability to access half of the school’s bathrooms. To combat this issue, I forced my friend, James Frank, to provide me with data on the boys’ bathrooms. Thanks, James. 

The bathrooms will be ranked by location, privacy, appearance, and overall atmosphere. Then, I will offer my conclusion, which you will take as fact. My judgment is impeccable.

5. The boys’ and girls’ bathrooms near the gym:

  If you’ve ever used a restroom and thought to yourself: “This sure is nice, but I could do with a touch less privacy to do my business in,” fear not, as Radnor has just the bathrooms for you. Located at the perfect location of the junction between the band hallway and the gym, these bathrooms lack a door separating those inside from sweaty gym kids and musicians. Useful only for those so desperate that they cannot waste a single second pulling a door open, these bathrooms are perfect for filling you with anxiety. The location also lends itself to an interesting scent, which really spices up your bathroom experience. 

  I would recommend skipping these bathrooms, for the sake of both your sanity and your nostrils. 

4. The girls’ bathroom right by the International Café:

  I had heard such positive things about this bathroom. Mind you, these were only from freshman Connie Atkinson, who does not have nearly as much bathroom experience as I do, but I value her opinions. You can imagine my disappointment when I saw the massive “out of order” sign taped to the door. Because of this, I have no choice but to rank it at the bottom of my list. I can, however, offer a vivid description of what the bathroom was like in its prime. “It was so nice,” Connie explains. 

I would give this bathroom a shot, especially because I believe it has already reopened. However, its unpredictable hours might lead to disappointment, especially if you really need to go. I’m not speaking from experience or anything, though.

3. The girls’ bathroom at the very end of the math hallway

  This bathroom usually isn’t anything special. Sometimes you’ll find a couple of students hiding from the horrors of their math class. But on even rarer occasions, you’ll find pools of water on the ground, which are perfect if you love that soaked shoe and ‘I missed the bowl’ look. 

  Wear shoes you don’t care about if you plan on using this restroom. Except when it isn’t flooded (which is most of the time). Then you’ll just look like you have lame shoes. 

2. The boys’ and girls’ bathrooms in the middle of the science hallway

  Before anyone attacks me, I am aware that these bathrooms also suffer from a lack of  doors, but they are still better than the ones near the gym. James is with me on this one. He swears the atmosphere is more peaceful in these bathrooms, stating, “I like how open it is because it’s kind of the perfect mix between open and closed.” I’ve found that the girls’ bathroom can be very crowded at the beginning of fourth period, but this is only an issue if you are visiting for business purposes, and not just to get out of dissecting a pig. 

  When you get the hankering to visit a bathroom without a door, but are unprepared to bear the gym stench, I highly recommend these bathrooms. Or, you know, if you need to go during science class. 

1. The large boys’ and girls’ bathrooms by the auditorium

  Quite frankly, these bathrooms should be called the mens’ and womens’ bathrooms, because they clearly were not meant for Radnor’s students. These bathrooms are spacious, kept fairly clean, and have plenty of stalls, which means that you will never be stuck waiting. Even if these conditions are just to keep parents attending the play from complaining to the school board, I certainly am also not complaining. Some people do treat them like a social hangout spot, but a bathroom break with a side of eavesdropping is not the worst thing in the world. James claims that these bathrooms are “just like most bathrooms in the school,” but I have no idea what he is talking about. They are clearly bigger and nicer, and I have the final judgment here anyways. 

Despite what James says, I am convinced these are the best bathrooms in the entire school. 10/10 toilet paper rolls from me. 

Next time you find yourself wandering the halls, struggling to choose a bathroom to use, feel free to revisit this ranking, and offer your appreciation to me. Unless you hate the bathrooms that I’ve recommended. In that case, I claim no responsibility for this article.