On the evening of February 25th, 2023, Radnor High School’s annual Freshman Semiformal took place. Fortunately, several Radish writers were able to infiltrate the highly anticipated dance, posing as ordinary high school students.

Before entering the semi, all attendees were required to line up and undergo a breathalyzer test. The highly efficient and streamlined process was compared by many to the fun social gatherings typically found in the Lunch B pasta line. The extensive wait times provided rich moments for students to mingle and enjoy one another’s presence without the bothersome music or darkened lighting found in the cafeteria. After they were tested, students were given a memento– ornamental scarlet bracelets. 

The theme of the event was “Out of This World,” so the cafeteria was filled with stars and planet-shaped lanterns. The whimsical inflatable astronauts scattered around the floor were promptly popped, crushed, and torn to shreds by the merciless crowd of students. One witness described the scene as “utterly heart-shattering,” another referred to the cruel acts as “not exactly a win-win situation.”

The student council put together the dance with a total budget of $300. Their ticket sales unfortunately fell a few cents short of the estimated $20.3 billion required to host the semiformal aboard the International Space Station, a location which several parents lobbied for, citing how well it would’ve fit the theme. One freshman member of the Radnor Crew team remarked that the necessary funds could have easily been raised if the student council had chosen to sell mulch rather than tickets.

Fulfilling Radnor tradition, a cafeteria window was shattered during the event. Thankfully, the administration promptly responded to the incident and the broken pane was replaced by Monday. The rapid repair is delightful news for the myriad of students who rely on the bottom window of the cafeteria’s right door as their sole way of viewing the courtyard outside.

On the floor, students demonstrated a wide variety of creative and unique dance moves. Some energetically jumped up and down, while others slowly jumped up and down. A few individuals even hesitantly jumped up and down. There were also numerous reported instances of crowd-surfing. The Radish condemns that practice though, as it’s an unoriginal move that violates the dance contract’s requirement for everyone to remain in a “vertical position.”

After hours of fun, most of the students left the dance. Meanwhile, Dr. MacNamara stood outside of the main entrance, video-taping a troublesome drone that had lingered above the school for the entire evening. In fact, the police were called to neutralize the mischievous flying device. One student who witnessed the activities of the drone described it as, “a glowing, UFO-type thing that fit the dance’s theme quite well.” When the Radish contacted the drone-owners about the aircraft’s origins, the aliens declined to respond. 

Overall, the 2023 Freshman Semi was the greatest event to ever take place. Everyone had a wonderful time, with a minor exception for the inflatable astronauts.