Dan Carlston
If you found yourself perusing through the other articles released in the Radnorite this month, you might find that many of the pieces written by our contributors are connected by one common theme: none of them are about oatmeal. What’s up with that, am I right? Also, they’re all about labor!
While I consider the lack of oatmeal-themed articles to be an utter travesty, the bigger issue here is the lack of proper articles about the types of labor which tend to get left out of discussions. We here at the Back Page have taken it upon ourselves to inform the public about the many forms of labor that they may be missing out on. For example:

• Labor, Koper

This small village in the Littoral region of Slovenia often gets overlooked in debates about labor. Why worry about union laws when you can visit Labor’s local church, which is dedicated to Saint Martin and is owned by the Parish of Truške?

• Labor, the 2013 album by JD Samson & MEN

Labor is also the name of the second full-length album by electropop band JD Samson & Men! I especially love the track “Neon Poles,” the 8th track on this subtle, quiet album that really makes you think about the condition of labor relations in the United States.

• Labor, the process of giving birth

Here’s a big one, and one of the most underrated usages of the word ‘labor.’ No labor-themed school newspaper is complete without mentioning the actual act of going through labor. Much like the writing of this article, labor is a long and painful process that’s characterized by frequent contractions.

• Labor, robots in the anime franchise Patlabor

Perhaps an even more underused meaning of Labor is in the popular manga and anime series Patlabor, where a Labor is a type of robot which acts as a police patrol unit, apparently. Could this series be called RoboCop? Yes. But should this series be called RoboCop? Absolutely not. And not just because that would be an infringement of copyright laws, but also because then the robots wouldn’t be called “Labors,” and that’s just no fun.

• Labor, the mental exertion that one must use in order to get through this godawful article

No explanation needed here.

• Labor, an obsolete form of Spanish customary units

It’s a little known fact that “labor” used to refer to a unit of area roughly equivalent to 177.1 acres. This unit of measure quickly became obsolete due to the rapid onset of the metric system… I’m sure you’re very excited by the prospect of me explaining the history of metrication in greater detail, but unfortunately there are just too many definitions of labor for me to get to. I apologize, but to be honest, you’ve dodged a bullet.

• Labour

People in England spell it like this, I think? Not really sure why. I don’t get why they don’t just, like, spell things the way America does, I mean is it really that much to ask

• Josef Labor (1842-1924)

Labor was a Czech composer of the late Romantic era. He liked playing the organ and taking long walks on the beach. RIP Josef.
And finally,

• Labor (disambiguation), the name of the Wikipedia article I used to find all of these

That’ll show all the teachers who told me Wikipedia isn’t a reliable resource!
Anyway, I hope you found this information as useful as it is tedious and totally not useful. Thanks for reading!