Gerry Atkinson’s Top Picks for Radnor’s New Mascot

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Gerry Atkinson, Radish Staff Writer

The Radnor for Reform movement believes that the raider mascot and the tomahawk chop “undermines our school values,” and I believe it definitely does not represent Radnor as a community. Radnor Township School District, according to RFR, claims it respects and values diversity, all people have worth, and that “nurturing is critical for individual and community growth.” The Radnor raider mascot does not represent these values, but I can think of a few that do.

By googling ‘team names that start with r,’ I have found dozens of potential new names for Radnor, such as the Radnor Ratatouilles, the Radnor Rugrats, or the Radnor Rhinos. Only one name can be chosen to replace the Raiders, however, so to make this process simpler, I’m only going to  talk about my top five favorite picks for the new name. First off, no other name rolls off the tongue as smoothly as Radnor the Socially Conscious Human Beings. Our mascot could either be a completely nude volunteer or someone wearing an extremely baggy robe (similar to a stylish wizard) holding sparklers running around the field screaming “Radnor!” Every student and faculty member of Radnor is a human being (besides Mr. Bachelor, who can do an insane amount of push-ups), so we would have a huge roster of potential mascots–especially since no one would have to dress up.

My second favorite choice would be the Radnor Republicans. Some advantages include scaring away Democratic football players and letting people know we love Barron Trump. It may not fully represent every aspect of the Radnor community but there is alliteration, which everyone loves. For LM week we could all wear red power ties, do impersonations of Ted Cruz, and debate who we would rather have Seal Team Six assassinate: Hillary’s dog or Obama’s dog. Depending on the outcome of the 2020 election, our school might have some scores to settle, and we could hopefully do that on the football field. Some of the Radnor Republicans who I’ve had the lovely privilege of talking to want to take the Radnor Raiders to the next level. If the name is changed (which it officially will be), they are going to start their own football team called the Radnor Noncompliant Raiders. They will be completely separate from the school and will no longer have to put up with the Radnor for Reform Snowflakes. Some plans have been made for non-peaceful protesting while they scream #feathers4life and “we’re not soft” at the referees. Avid instagram commenter  ‘Yalimunchkin’ started another popular chant, “RTSD no one likes your decision shut up’” after an instagram comment on a Radnor for Reform post went viral; personally this is my favorite chant and I hope it catches on.

Now no other name makes as much sense as the Radnor Ryans. We could have Mr. Buterbaugh as our mascot, and everyone named Ryan who attends RHS will immediately be put on the team. It might not be the most talented football team or namely diverse team RHS has ever had, but at this point it seems like the School Board is up for any suggestions. There probably will be a fair deal of pushback from the unathletic Ryans and everyone else who would like to play, but no name is perfect, and, again, at least this one has alliteration.

Part of our school’s problem is that we’re just not caught up with the times; it’s 2020, the Year of the Rat, and it’s my job to bring our school into the twenty-first century. The Washington Football Team (formerly known as the Washington Redskins) used to have a near identical logo as the Radnor Raiders, and they have an eighty year history of protest over their old name. We are all living in a time of inclusion, acceptance, and great change; even if it’s a public school’s football team name it’s important to try to be on the right side of history. It’s the twenty-first century, the year of Teslas and legalizing weed; no longer is it cool to have a racist mascot, especially if it does not represent your school properly. Possible modern/“on fleek” new names include the Radnor Rioters, Radnor Rainbow Warriors, Radnor Rambunctious, Radnor Readers, and the Radnor Righteous. Personally I love either the Radnor Rioters or Rainbow Warriors, but I guess I’ll just have to have faith in the school board to choose the right replacement. This is a tricky problem to solve in a time of great change and I don’t believe anyone blames the school board for taking their time on this one. Hopefully the School Board will reach a conclusion that properly represents the school, and the majority of the student body is pleased. I believe a satisfying end is possible, and I know the Radnor TBD’s are gonna have a lot of great seasons in front of them. Thank you RTSD School Board for the nearly unanimous vote to change the mascot and team name, the Radnor community thanks you for making it a more inclusive place for everyone and for creating an opportunity to rename the football team to something hip like the Radnor Gerry’s; nowadays anything is possible.