The Most Desired Gift of 2020 


Sammy Rosin, Currents Associate Editor

There is only one organization that is disciplined, daring, and intelligent enough to produce a vaccine for COVID-19: Santa and Co. While elves are behind the labor for this operation, the CEO is the infamous Santa Claus. The workshop is located in the Sub Zero climate of the most magical place in the universe: the North Pole. Santa and his elves have taken on the greatest investment of the modern time with an attitude of perseverance. An array of sought-after resources naturally abundant in the chilly environment certainly aid the vaccine production too. The Radnorite investigated further into why the North Pole is the perfect place for successfully manufacturing the COVID-19 vaccine. 

Arctic temperatures and Location:

A key component for this vaccine to have success is it must consistently be stored at -94 degrees fahrenheit. This frigid temperature can only be obtained naturally at a single location on Earth: The North Pole. In the North Pole, the naturally glacial temperature reduces the need for special refrigerators to store the vaccine, which need to be stored at that -94 degrees fahrenheit to remain effective. Dr. Grauci, the top elf in Santa’s workshop, explained, “It is a simple and efficient process. We send the vial through the magical machine, it is filled with vaccine fluid, and then stored in a large sack in the corner. No fridge or freezer needed.”


Thanks to their isolation due to the difficult travel measures required to reach the North Pole, Santa and his crew of elves live in a bubble. only reported one COVID case in the past 9 months, which came from Mrs. Claus after she went to a party. The call for help in producing a vaccine came in July, when every established company in the entire world had yet to produce an effective  vaccine. Designing a vaccine that works in so little time should be impossible for the average person, but Santa and Co didn’t falter. With a solid 94% effectiveness against the Coronavirus in the vaccine trial, only 6% of people who participated (2 million people) experienced any side effects, which include growing pointy ears and shrinking. However, many people raised questions about the accessibility of Santa and Co’s vaccine. For starters, the journey to the North Pole is so treacherous, most people can only make the journey on the Polar Express, which has shut down due to the pandemic. Luckily, a pivotal group of transit workers has obtained herd immunity: Reindeer.  Rudolph and his colleagues are using this achievement as an opportunity to bring good to the world. The vaccines will be transferred to their wondrous sleighs and flown through the sky to be administered on Christmas eve. 

The Naughty List:

Even Santa’s resources aren’t unlimited, meaning currently there are not enough vaccine doses for everyone. To solve this distribution issue, Santa is keeping a vigilant naughty list. While Santa declined to comment for this article, his top elf in charge of PR, Sleigh Uncanny, shared, “Not to jump on the bandwagon, but #1 on the naughty list is ex-President Donald Trump. We have a monitor in our HQ, and every time the man opens his mouth, sends a tweet, or makes a face his “bad points” skyrocket exponentially.” CEC (Center of Elvish control) also deemed Trump a waste of a vaccine since he believes the virus will disappear on its own, anyway. Unfortunately, Santa’s Vaccine gift receiver list does not include children this year since they are not worth it. On the list of most vulnerable people who deserve the vaccine, children only come after 21 million health care workers, 3 million elderly people in long-term care facilities, 87 million essential workers, 100 million middle age people who want to go to the gym, and 80 million young adults who want to party. Because Santa’s job does not include answering to prayers, religious groups hoping to assemble en masse will have to forgo a few more gatherings. Other individuals on the naughty list this year include anti-vaxxers and all people who wear their masks below their nose. Failing to wear your mask properly is one of Santa’s pet peeves since he manages to do so even with the 6 ft beard. It will be a tough year for the virus-disbelievers without any gifts from Santa. 


While Santa and Co. have made impressive progress, they are still waiting for communications from the CDC to plan their distribution routes. If the workshop does get around to making presents, children should be warned of vials and needles lodged in toys. It was difficult for the elves to take such a turn in production, but luckily they understand the importance of science. Dr. Grauci emphasized, “These are not normal times. We must learn to adapt for the needs of the people. It’s a shame 7 million elves passed in clinical trials, but the solution is finally here.”