The Radish’s 14 Ways to Spend the 14th


Parnia Nasrullah

With the societal chokehold of rom-coms, heart-shaped helium balloons, and Pinterest date ideas, couples can find it difficult to go above and beyond what is expected for Valentine’s Day. To make things worse, the prices of CVS teddy bears and stale chocolates are at an all-time high. If you’re attempting to successfully bombard your special person with gestures, then fear not: the Radish is here to save romance by presenting fourteen brilliant ways for couples to spend the 14th. 

  1. Book a one-time couples therapy appointment and work on those issues 
  2. Stock up on St. Patrick’s Day grocery store decor before other consumers get to it
  3. Steal Olive Garden breadsticks 
  4. Invest in a hallmark Disney card that has an irrational cheesy line about “living happily ever after” devoid of any real-world problems 
  5. Buy her a pack of organic dozen eggs (this year diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, eggs are) 
  6. Commit tax fraud together 
  7. Each invest half of your life savings in the CVS teddy bear business
  8. Give each other Valentine’s Day cards (show some level of commitment) 
  9. Send support chocolates and CVS teddy bears to Galentine’s day get-togethers 
  10. Watch scary movies (you’re living the rom-com, try something with ghosts)
  11. Ask them if they think you’re lovable
  12. Send candy grams to unknown people 
  13. Wear ugly Valentine’s Day sweaters together
  14. Camp out by your local drug store so you can get the best February 14th deals on Sweethearts