Cardboard Wolves: Nine Cool Facts About Radnor’s New Species


Anrui Xu

Radnor is home to a diverse array of flora and fauna that has captivated researchers for centuries. Recently, a new species’ discovery has been publicized by renowned organization Radnorite Authors Documenting Important Scientific Happenings (R.A.D.I.S.H.), solidifying the region as more valuable to humanity’s understanding of natural ecosystems than the Amazon Rainforest. Although there is much more to learn about this fascinating animal, this report aims to provide an introduction to some of its identifying qualities.


1. The official name for the species is Canis Lupus Mentiens.

According to Latin scholar and famed taxonomist Dr. Donal McGay, this translates to “extremely real dog wolf.” Radnor students have affectionately nicknamed the species “Cardboard Wolves,” a label which has since been adopted by the scientific community.


2. Cardboard Wolves are smaller than elephants.

Such a fact may come as a surprise to amateur zoologists.


3. Cardboard Wolves are highly effective hunters.

Cardboard Wolves have a remarkable ability to remain silent and stand perfectly still, causing prey to let down their guard. Within a few milliseconds, the wolves can pounce on unsuspecting creatures.


4. Cardboard Wolves can be found throughout the fields of the high school.

The wolves are a welcome sight for students utilizing the facilities.


5. Cardboard Wolves and geese have a symbiotic relationship.

Although they are fearsome hunters, the wolves treat Radnor’s goose population with great dignity and respect. Geese can often be found assembling near the wolves, demonstrating the beautiful friendship that exists between the two species.


6. Cardboard Wolves have very few weaknesses.

They have been reportedly frightened by lawn mowers and uncontrolled frisbees.


7. Cardboard Wolves are immortal.

Numerous studies and reports conducted by the world’s most distinguished scientists have confirmed the species to be incapable of aging and suffering physical harm. The findings suggest that the wolves may possess powers that lie beyond the grasp of the human mind, an unsettling conclusion which raises far too many existential questions for this silly nature article to delve into.


8. Cardboard Wolves sleep standing up.

This fact is very cool because most people sleep lying down.


9. Nobody knows where the Cardboard Wolves came from.

Nobody knows why they are here. Nobody knows what they are. Nobody knows what they can truly become.