RHS Administration Announces New Junior Book Awards for the 2020-2021 School Year

Mohen Li, The Radish Associate Editor

The RHS Administration announced yesterday that they would like to honor next year’s juniors with 11 new junior book awards, in light of a challenging and uncertain upcoming school year. The following are the new junior book awards that will be presented to 3 outstanding students in the 2020-2021 academic year, alongside the other 26 book awards.

Breakdown
Breakdown of how the top 10% of the junior class is determined (warning: advanced mathematics)

Stanford University Book Award: This award is presented to a student who is in the top 10% of the junior class, demonstrates outstanding academic achievement, shows great integrity and compassion, and is an active member of the community. The student should also have accomplished the following: won a Nobel Prize in mathematics, chemistry, or physics; discovered at least one disease on the International Undiscovered Disease List; founded a successful medical technologies startup; played a vital role in brokering a peace treaty between at least three warring factions (two warring factions are acceptable if the world is in a time of relative peace); and single handedly achieved at least one of the United Nations’s Sustainable Development Goals. 

Note: doing any of the aforementioned activities does NOT guarantee acceptance into Stanford University.    

Ancient Greek Book Award: This award is presented to a student who excels in ancient Greek, dresses like an ancient Greek, and performs daily animal sacrifices to their Greek god or goddess of choice.

Swarthmore College Book Award: This award is presented to a student who is in the top 10% of their class, randomly selected by drawing names out of a hat.

Princeton University Book Award: This award is presented to the student that wins the Princeton Club of Philadelphia Book Award to make up for giving them a fake-sounding book award.

Oregon State University Book Award: This award is presented to the student who is in the top 10% of the junior class and excels in any of the following extracurricular activities: breathing, walking, eating, or sleeping. 

Northeastern South Dakota State University Seminary School Book Award: This award is presented to a student who is in the top 10% of the class and is a recognized leader/expert in education, agriculture, espionage, morally questionable interrogation tactics, treasure hunting, community service, archery, differential topology, competitive eating, or forensics. This student should demonstrate high personal academic integrity and be highly respected by peers and faculty.

Forensics Book Award: This award is presented to students who won the Drexel University Book Award, University of Pennsylvania Book Award, or Northeastern South Dakota State University Seminary School Book Award for their achievement and excellence in forensics. The students also must be in the top 10% of their class. 

The Society of Rat Alchemists Book Award: This award is presented to the student who is literally a rat (fur, four legs, skinny tail) and shows the greatest promise in alchemy. The student also must be in the top 10% of their class.  

The Top 10% of Their Class Book Award: This award is presented to a student who is in the top 5% of their class. The student also must be in the top 10% of their class.

Elon Reeve Musk FRS Book Award: This award is presented to the god-like, perfect student that wins the most book awards because we need to give them more book awards for being incredible, outstanding, and in the top 10% of their class.