February was packed with festive occasions, important dates worth celebrating, and Valentine’s Day. Like most people, you probably wasted the month on homework, sports, and productive self-improvement. Here’s how you could have instead devoted your time to demonstrating seasonal spirit.
February 2: Groundhog Day
How to Celebrate: Renounce the conventions of televised meteorology. Adopt a prophetic woodchuck and consult it for your many weather-related inquiries. Allow your participation in the glorious tradition to fill you with Pennsylvanian pride.
February 5: National Weatherperson’s Day
How to Celebrate: Unfortunately, the talents of the previously mentioned groundhog have been rendered obsolete by this holiday. Adopt your local televised meteorologist and consult them for your remaining weather-related inquiries.
February 10: Lunar New Year
How to Celebrate: Some cultures observe this holiday by exchanging red envelopes with friends and family as tokens of gratefulness and prosperity. To pay tribute to their traditions, beg everyone you know for money.
February 11: Super Bowl Sunday
How to Celebrate: Honor this great American occasion by watching commercials and complaining about the entire game. Establish yourself as the most dedicated football fan by wearing gear supporting both teams and yelling that they should run the ball.
February 14: National Ferris Wheel Day
How to Celebrate: Bake a cake in the shape of a Ferris wheel. Make Ferris wheel puns. Dedicate poems to your favorite Ferris wheels. Wear socks with images of ferris wheels on them. Wish all of your friends and loved ones a happy National Ferris Wheel Day.
Also February 14: Valentine’s Day
How to Celebrate: This holiday is just Halloween for people who are frightened by costumes and pumpkins. Heart-shaped lollipops are not worth the cavities. Don’t celebrate.
February 17-26: St. Patrick’s Day
How to Celebrate: Follow the example of your favorite department stores and begin celebrating a month in advance. Dress in green and laugh at your friends for being less seasonally appropriate than you.
February 27: International Polar Bear Day
How to Celebrate: Revel in this day’s spirit with the rest of the world. Engage in international conversations about the greatness of polar bears. Take a trip to the Arctic Circle and attempt to converse with them.
February 29: Leap Day
How to Celebrate: Pester your friends with scientific explanations of this holiday’s origins. Repeat overused fun facts about leap-year births and temporarily flood your life with frog imagery.
By the end of February, you could have proven to your classmates that you were a highly tasteful holiday enthusiast. It’s quite a shame that you’ll never get to witness their jealousy.
