Grubbin with the Boys: Minella’s


Noah Conen

I have a routine every night that has become second nature to me. I finish my homework, take a shower, put on some jammies, and last but not least, I watch the evening news update on my Alexa Echo Dot. Yes, Alexa now has a screen and she can show you the news. Who knows what feature could be next for Alexa … tax returns? Anyhow, whilst I was watching the news, something became very clear. As I woke up my family as usual blasting Reuters TV at full volume, I realized that the world was coming to an end. Political scandals, WW3, SARS 2.0, Kobe? I’ll bet you guys my right kidney that AI is going to be running the United States by the end of 2020. So naturally, I thought what any level headed human being would think at this time: Is Tom Brady going to end his career as a New England Patriot? Just kidding, I was thinking that when the Patriots absolutely imploded this season. But what I was actually thinking: You know what, if the world is ending, I might as well make the best of it and do my part for society. 

So then I put on my squinty eyes, took my ADHD medication; and with sheer willpower, I attempted to schedule Grubbin with the Girls.  That went about as well as you might think. Think of scheduling Grubbin with the Girls like Trump’s impeachment scandal, it may be for a good cause for some people, but the execution was flawed and pointless since it was never going to work in the first place. Anticipating the riots that would break out in the school when no Grubbin would be published, I used my influence and status as the best writer on the Radnorite to schedule it with another group of people. Unfortunately, I once again selected stupidly, and chose to do it with the wrestling team. Yes, I chose wrestling, the only sport where you can’t eat like you’re on Man v. Food unless you’re on JV and winless like me. The people were angry, they were revolting like that one scene in Joker where all those clowns jump the cops in the subway (Bahahaha, I’m evil, I just spoiled part of Joker for you). Then I said screw it and scheduled it with about 75 random boys in my grade. That once again, was an epic fail (You may be starting to see a pattern with how this is going). Once two people would say I can’t go in the group chat, being the nice person, I am, I would reschedule. 

After about two weeks of this mind-numbing rescheduling, I finally found a date where seven kids could go, the stars were aligning! I showed up 30 minutes early to Minellas and reserved a table for eight. Then the boys started showing up one by one. Will, Ben, CJ, Gaven, Austin, Damian, all ravenously hungry. We were finally seated as the MLK day crowd was driving the capacity of the diner to its limits. The excitement was flooding the air. Austin kept chirping about his Creamed Chipped Beef, Gaven was drooling over a waffle with chocolate ice cream, Damian was about to crush a Rueben, Ben wouldn’t stop talking about Corned Beef Hash, and the others were just remaining silent about their food requests. However, before any great running play can occur in the NFL, the hand off has to be good. You may not understand why I just said that, but patience is a virtue, so be quiet and wait until I explain myself. Well, we tried to order, but our waitress kept disappearing when we tried to order, perhaps due to how busy the diner was, but we kept saying we wanted to order. When we finally agreed on what to get, even though we already wanted to order, the boys started stacking their menus to show we were ready to order. Somehow, a miscommunication in handing off the giant and heavy menus lead to them being dropped. This fumble led to one of our waters being spilt all over CJ. Now, what I believe happened next was the icy cold water caused CJ to freak out and drop the jumbo-sized menus. The resulting earthquake caused all of the waters to spill, causing a giant ice bath to wash all over CJ, Austin and Ben. Will and I ran out of our booth, Gaven evaded the puddle, and Damian box jumped up onto the seat. 

The situation was so sudden and unbelievable that all of us started hysterically laughing. That probably wasn’t smart, as the owner obviously saw the mess and us laughing, and it doesn’t take a high IQ to realize what it looked like had just happened. He just walked over and kicked us out. Pretty drastic, but I kind of see why he gave us the boot. Still, I wasn’t having it, and I told him it was an accident, and when everyone realized what the situation was, we stopped laughing and began to get annoyed. He insisted we get out, even though I tried to help him clean up the mess, and that put me over the edge. We stormed out and over to Wawa, where we awkwardly waited and thought of anything to do and chowing down on cheap Philly grub. After getting a ride home and reflecting on what had just happened, I realized that I needed to get this article out. After two more weeks of excruciating scheduling and cancelling, I said screw once more and got two kids, Eric Vollmer and Gaven Williams, to head off to Minellas and have lunch.

To be brutally honest, if you were looking for an emphasis on food in this article, this isn’t your Grubbin. We simply got breakfast food, and none of us really took notes or tried anything new. I guess I was just tired of waiting to do this article. We all got milkshakes, and they were pretty good. Not the best milkshake I’ve ever had, but it’s a milkshake, you can’t go wrong. Gaven, Eric and I then proceeded to order all of the breakfast classics. The waffles were good, but Gaven ordered a generous portion of chocolate ice cream on top of his waffle, so it was more like a desert than breakfast. Eric had French toast that he said was fine. I got the Greek omelet, my favorite thing at Minellas, which has gyro meat, feta and tomatoes all rolled together in some eggs. It’s very good, and a great way to start the day, especially if you like savory food. We got some pancakes, and they are good, just as everything else was. The only negative was the Creamed Chipped Beef we got in honor of Austin, who couldn’t make it. It is definitely an acquired texture and taste but wasn’t horrible. The reason why it was not very well received was because we were all full, usually you shouldn’t order five main courses of giant plates for three people, and the taste of chipped beef just wasn’t something I really wanted while I was stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Overall, Minellas is a very popular diner and for good reason. They’ve got anything you could ever want on their giant menu, hence their tendency to cause seismic, water-spilling events. The food is of good quality, and it is consistently good. Although this is the first strange incident, I have ever had with Minellas, no events before had ever reflected bad service. In fact, when I ate there with Gaven and Eric, the service was quick and very friendly. So the moral of the story is don’t bring six teenage boys to any public place, or something will definitely happen.