Health Officials Still Searching for Mysterious Illness that Infected Senior Class on Monday, Nov. 13th


David Marshall

Over the past month, Radnor health examiners have been investigating the mysterious virus that infected the senior class on Monday, November 13th. While the virus has not been identified, its infection rate was unparalleled: all of Radnor’s seniors, showing no symptoms Sunday night, were bedridden by Monday morning.

Will Baker, a senior at Radnor High School, reported his symptoms to the PA center for disease control, stating, “I was extremely tired when I woke up and didn’t feel like doing anything other than hitting up First Watch for brunch with my friends.” Other students reported similar symptoms, such as senior Brian Johnson, “Despite getting four hours of sleep instead of my usual three, I woke up exhausted, and decided to throw a Harry Potter watch party instead of going to school.” 

Matt Johnson, an investigator in the puzzling ailment, told local news sources, “this virus is like U2, ‘it moves in mysterious ways.’ We aren’t sure why, but it seems to only affect the class of 2023. Also, while most diseases are seasonal, the data we collected has shown that the virus normally strikes around the end of each marking period.” At the time being, officials suggest that exams and studying are weakening students’ immune systems. 

While the Radish is unaware as to what is causing the seniors to collectively miss select days of the school year, we recommend that everyone take precautions. Make sure to wash your hands, social distance around seniors, and quarantine when you experience symptoms of laziness and lack of brain power, as it may mean you are suffering from this mysterious disease.